If you’ve spent any time in the dating or relationship world, you’ve probably seen lists of “red flags” that claim to tell you exactly when to run. Things like: if they don’t text back within an hour, red flag. If they don’t post you on social media, red flag. If they cancel plans twice, red flag.

The problem is, real life is much messier than that. Everyone has stress. Everyone has flaws. Everyone gets it wrong sometimes. If we treated one misstep as a dealbreaker, no relationship would make it past the first month.

Spotting red and green flags isn’t about perfection—it’s about paying attention to patterns over time.