A lot of people feel badly about themselves after they've been through a difficult relationship, and it's completely normal to feel off balance after something painful like that happens. When you have a really good connection with someone and that connection ends, especially if there was inconsistency or conflict, it can cause your attachment system to go through a lot of stress and stay on high alert after the relationship ends.

First, it's helpful to start by…

Coaching clients often tell me they’re worried about “being too much” in relationships. So many of us have felt this — an internal voice that tries to keep us small, a quiet reminder not to take up too much space, not to need too much, not to feel too deeply.

That fear of being so whatever that it pushes someone away. This feeling can come from a part of us that fears rejection or abandonment or lack of love. In attachment terms, this part is often linked to an anxious attachment pattern — a protective strategy built around the hope that if we stay agreeable and easy, love will stay too.